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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Apologies

One would assume that, if you are anything like me, there are many times when you want to sincerely apologize for something you've done. You are truly sorry that something you've done has hurt someone else, or that you have somehow offended someone unintentionally.

But there is a different kind of apology, as well. This is the kind where, in the course of the (often emotionally charged) discussion you suddenly realize:

"Shit...They're absolutely right."

These are the apologies for which you hope the other person can see both your remorse, AND the fact that you really do understand that you were the one at fault. It's not that blame needs to be placed, but more that you are so fully aware of your own responsibility for the situation, that you want to be sure that the other person knows that you know.

Whew.

For me, these are the easiest apologies to give, but often the hardest to move on from. I feel the mistake so deeply, and it's so important to me that the other person understands fully both my sadness for hurting them and my realization of my error, that I have a tendency to wallow and worry. This, in turn, can actually make the situation worse as I either over analyze and over apologize and/or ruminate on the possible outcomes until I've worked myself into a dither.

Did I say "Whew!"?

But, as with so many things in my life right now, I'm working on it.

And, as with so many things in my life right now, I'm trying to keep New Year's resolution #7 in mind:

Remember that baby steps are enough.

And if this has upset or offended you in any way, I sincerely apologize.

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