I've always thought of myself as a good communicator.
Only recently have I come to realize how far this is from the truth. And truth is the key. For so long, I've kept so much to myself. My upbringing was such that sharing how you really felt, telling someone what you were really thinking, was emotionally--and sometimes physically--dangerous. So, over time, I learned to put it away. So far away that I didn't even know, myself, what the truth was. So (resolution #4), this is the year that I find my truth and speak it...which is much harder than it sounds.
Sometimes I find myself buried in feelings that come from seemingly nowhere. UFOs...those "unidentifiable feelings of...", and they result in emotions and behaviors that seem out of my control...certainly out of my understanding. Finding the truth beneath all of this is an excavation project of massive proportions. But I am learning to dig...and observe...and examine...and analyze. And more and more I am also learning to identify my truths and, just as importantly, taking the leap to share them with those around me.
At times, it's terrifying.
And it's just as terrifying to see and admit to my truths, as it is to share them.
But it's also liberating.
And so I continue my archeology work...my intimate digging into the muck that is myself. Where I have come from, and where it has led me.
Because how else will I discover who I am?