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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Striving to be a role model.

Being a good mom is hard sometimes...especially if you didn't have a positive role model of your own to learn from.  

My daughter is amazing.  She is kind, loving, intelligent, curious, beautiful, hard-working, determined, and more grounded than I'll ever be.  She is also 14 years old and, at times, completely hormonally unhinged.  In these moments, as she sits in my lap and cries tears of frustration (yes, she still sits in my lap...a fact for which I am eternally grateful), I search for the right words to say to calm her and to bring her back to a space where she can see reality. I look back to my own teen years--to those feelings of overwhelming sadness and confusion that would flood my mind--and search for what soothed me.  Sadly, I find nothing.  When I was in that place, support was nowhere to be found.  I was alone.

So now I am sailing without a compass.  I hold this beautiful child (who is so close to no longer being a child) and I say the words that fill my heart:

You are loved.  
You are strong.  
You are capable.  
I am here.
I always will be.

And I hope that they penetrate the hormone fog...that she is able to hear and believe them.  And that, when she is a mother, holding her own daughter in much the same way, she is able to think back to these times and know that she was never alone.  

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